IT IS SO F*CKING HARD
TO BE A MOM.
Don't you dare also try to be a person.
You’re supposed to have a career, but not one that interferes with being a mom. You’re supposed to have interests outside of motherhood, but God forbid any of them tempt you to neglect any of your mom-duties.
Like driving them somewhere. Ballet, soccer, gymnastics, softball, lacrosse, theater, summer camp, cooking class, art class, Girl Scouts, volleyball, basketball, drill team, National Charity League, track, feminism club… and everybody has to be in a different place at the same time, and you are one person.
Make sure your little angels look perfect at all times but don’t obsess about their appearance. Let them play in mud puddles -- ‘cause you’re quirky like that. You don’t mind cleaning dirty clothes. Or a dirty house, be on top of that momma. But get everyone to pitch in – naturally, without nagging. Use the techniques you learned in one of the ten parenting classes you went to.
You’re supposed to help other moms out but never ask for help yourself. You’re supposed to volunteer for every-fucking-thing! But NEVER complain… unless it’s mom’s night out. Where you have to drink wine, but not too much wine. You are responsible for these little humans.
Never, ever forget that. You are responsible for their physical health. Feed them a healthy home-cooked meal but don’t be so controlling that you give them an eating disorder because you are responsible for their mental health. Keep them mindful, keep them positive, keep them off drugs – except for ADHD meds! How else are they going to get into a good college??? That’s on you too.
And you are so fucking tired. But never be too tired for sex. Now you can’t sleep because you are worried you are doing it all wrong. May as well get up early and make some lunches.
And then one day, you leave them at college, and it’s all fucking over. You don’t know what to do or who you are. Their childhood is over, and you agonize that you should have done more lemonade stands and fewer tutoring sessions and taught them how to make their favorite foods instead of cooking for them.
Whatever you do, DO NOT FUCK THIS UP!!! Because they will hold that shit against you forever. And suddenly, you are so appreciative of whoever cared for you as a kid.
You also realize how INCREDIBLY PRIVILEGED you are to have a home, a partner, a career, healthy kids, and safety. You want to cry for all the moms who don’t have those things, cry for how grateful you are, and at the same time, cry for how hard it is anyway.
But for right now, you watch a movie. A Mom-Com. A story about a mom who wants to be a person.
BOSSY, DOMESTIC & SKINNY
PALM SPRINGS meets BAD MOMS
An overworked mom secretly clones herself so she can pursue a passion project at work, but when she becomes addicted to making everyone happy (including herself), she needs more clones.
THIS IS 40 meets BRIDESMAIDS
After her number one client gets fired for too many "little tweaks," a perfectionist plastic surgeon must figure out how to reverse the damage before her successful practice gets nip-tucked.
THE FAREWELL meets LITTLE MISS SUNSHINE
When she discovers her cancer is terminal, a feisty, Texas grandma must hide painful diagnosis (and her weed) as she attempts to reconcile with her uptight, self-centered son while on a family trip to the Grand Canyon.
SEX EDUCATION meets SINGLE DRUNK FEMALE
When a reluctant group of Texas parents joins a support group for parents of LGBTQ+ teens, they are forced to face their fears and prejudices as they struggle to give their kids the affirmation they need in a state that is hell-bent on ripping away the rights of queer people.
YOUNG ADULT meets SLEEPING WITH OTHER PEOPLE
When a repressed Christian marriage counselor inadvertently takes on a THROUPLE as her client, helping their non-traditional family opens her mind but threatens her patriarchal marriage.
I AM HERE
THE FORTY-YEAR-OLD VERSION meets LITTLE MISS SUNSHINE
When a meek empty-nester gets dumped by her husband, she has a manic reaction to anti-depressants that sets her on a ridiculous road trip with her estranged mother on a quest to become a backup singer for P!nk.
Contact Jade For Full Scripts.
LEGALLY BLONDE meets PITCH PERFECT
After imploding her rival’s breast implant with a tennis ball, a naive Wisconsinite takes her place on a “recreational” tennis team but has to serve her way to defeating their skanky rivals or lose her new besties.
GIRLS TRIP meets THE PROPOSAL
Determined to get her happily ever after, an ex-child star rushes into a quickie "dream" wedding at a gorgeous rented estate. But her meddling BFFs are set on getting her to call it off because only they know that the groom is also rented...
ALL ABOUT JADE SHINE
Jade Shine writes MOM-COMS because being a mom is so f*cking hard! So we might as well laugh about it.
She has optioned features and placed in contests such as PAGE, Austin, and Cinestory.
Jade was born in San Francisco to hippie parents and then grew up on a farm with her mom and brother in Iowa.
After graduating from the University of Texas Medical Branch at Galveston, Jade worked as an Occupational Therapist, where she learned how to identify problems, set goals, and collaborate. She uses those same skills to write comedic material with a purpose.
Jade resides and writes in Houston, Texas, but her fantasy is to someday hit the road and be a backup singer for P!nk.